Ritual: Storytelling As Healing
Storytelling has become an increasingly important part of my practice. It is a way that I connect with, call forth, and honor ancestors. There is power in being remembered and, when it comes to Queer Ancestors, power in having the lessons in your life shared with the next generation.
I used to play Dungeons and Dragons and other table-top RPG games in college. The characters I played and the backstories I came up with always seemed to hinge on some aspect of myself I felt called to explore. This was true when I was closeted and after I came out. These character identities I was able to craft provided spaces for me figure out the vocabulary for talking about myself in the real world, and this personal connection to my characters helped me bring them to life in game.
The stories we tell don’t have to be about other people, past or present. We can and should tell our own stories. We can and should use stories to bring ourselves to life, too, and to take ownership of our personal narratives. I’ve been through a lot in my life - emotionally abusive relationships, severe depression, health complications and hospitalizations - and while I still carry the scars and traumas of these experiences how I choose to talk about them frames the power of these memories. Do I choose to talk about these events in a way that allows them to continue to exert power over me so many years later? Or do I choose to talk about these events in a way the highlights how I overcame them? It’s also important to note: Does my story also provide space for the joyful moments in my life?
Telling Your Own Story
How would you tell a complete stranger the story of your life so far? Set aside time to write it out or, if you prefer, record yourself speaking it out loud. Once you are done put the paper/recording away somewhere and leave it alone for at least a day.
When you are ready to dive into this ritual you’ll need a few things:
A white candle
A bowl of water and towel
A mirror
A notebook/pen or whatever you use to record yourself speaking
I find it best to sit at a table since you’ll be doing some more writing and/or recording and to be alone, or at least somewhere I can be loud and undisturbed. Have the above items accessible.
The first step is to read aloud the story about yourself that you wrote down. If you opted to record yourself then listen to the recording. Take note of what surprises you. What are you surprised you included? What are you surprised you left out? Try to be aware of what you talk about and how you talk about it.
You’re now going to edit this story and intentionally take ownership over the narrative of your life.
Light the white candle. For this ritual white represents purification, cleansing, and a “blank slate.” This is the energy you are inviting into this space as you rewrite the old story about your life. Take however much time you need to re-read the story you wrote down. Or listen to the recording and make notes of what no longer fits. Pay careful attention to the parts that aren’t actually how you feel about yourself - how much of other folks’ voices are showing up and dictating how you frame your life?
Some things you might consider doing are:
Erasing the parts that are untrue
Editing to make room for healing
Making note of your accomplishments
Centering the joy you’ve experienced
Reframing struggles to highlight how you’ve overcome them
Once you feel satisfied with the edits you’ve made set the notebook/pen or recording device aside. Get the bowl of water and towel, and wash your hands and face. Envision yourself wiping away the old story and creating space for a new one.
Finally, position the mirror somewhere that you can look into it comfortably. Retrieve your notebook with all the edits and then slowly tell your new story to yourself, making sure to make eye contact with yourself in the mirror. Take as long as you need to do this, pause whenever you need to pause and let yourself experience whatever feelings show up. Do you need to yell? Do it. Do you need to give yourself a big “HUZZAH!” over a particular accomplishment? Do it. Do you need to cry while recounting something you are still grieving? Let it happen.
What I really like about this ritual is how often you can return to it if you need to “recalibrate” yourself. We’re constantly bombarded by other folks’ versions of who we are. Whether through advertising, judgmental coworkers, toxic family, etc. the world around us constantly wears at our personal idea of who we are and the lives we’ve lead. It never hurts to consciously check in and remind yourself of your own experiences.
IMPORTANT NOTE: This ritual is in no way a substitute for critical self-reflection, and in all honesty provides a perfect space for it. Sometimes our stories include the ways we’ve hurt other people, and how we do/don’t take ownership of that.
You can also adapt this ritual to write a version of your future story you hope to manifest. Writing it on something you can burn might make an effective offering to ancestors/spirits. They can bring you what you need to manifest this story and help guide you in making decisions/taking action to help make it real.
