Ritual: Remembering The Queer Dead
Twenty-two years ago Matthew Shepard was tortured in a field outside Laramie, Wyoming and left for dead for because he was a gay man. He died six days later, and his death sparked a monumental shift in how the country viewed the LGBTQ+ community. Two years ago, on October 26th, I was able to attend the interment ceremony where Matthew was finally given a permanent resting place in the Washington National Cathedral, and that experience was a wholly transformative experience for me as a gay man and as a queer witch.
Since my experience at the interment ceremony I’ve observed an annual remembrance of Matthew’s death at the beginning of the month and final burial at the end of the month. October is also LGBT History Month and this ceremony I am sharing below has in some way turned Matthew into my own personal folk saint for honoring and remembering the Queer Dead.
What You Will Need:
Pride Flag
6 White Candles
A Seven-Colored Candle OR Seven Candles in Pride Colors
Beginning the night of October 6th and each night through October 12 light a white candle in front of a Pride Flag. I set this up on my personal altar, but if you don’t have a dedicated altar space I recommend you find somewhere you can return to each night. I also light incense at my Queer Ancestor shrine each night.
I tend to sit quietly in front of the candle for a while, processing whatever thoughts come through. My thoughts tend to be remembrances of queer folks in my life that have passed, the fears I have about navigating this world as an out gay man, actions I can take to protect and care for my community, etc. I often envision the light from the candle helping the restless or scared Queer Dead move towards a place of peace - either during that particular night or, for those deeply wounded and scared, over the course of the seven nights.
Let the candle burn down completely. I make sure to light the candle early enough that it will burn down before I go to bed so I don’t leave it unattended.
On the night of October 26th, the anniversary of Matthew finally laid to rest in the Washington National Cathedral, I light a seven-colored candle (or seven separate candles representing the colors of the Pride Flag.) I also light incense at my Queer Ancestor shrine.
I tend to have a drink, usually whiskey, and pour some into a shot glass left on my altar for the Queer Ancestors and other spirits I work with. I think about the gains my community has made, the battles we have won, and the celebrations I’ve participated in over the last year. I leave myself open for any messages the Queer Ancestors have for me.
When I feel called to, I extinguish the candle(s).
