Guest Post: I Know My Value Ritual
Boudica is an eclectic witch & pagan living in MD with her husband, cats, and ever expanding book collection. A former tutor currently working at a non-profit focusing on environmental issues, she also volunteers with a cat rescue. In her spare time she’s a fusion bellydancer specializing in sword, is an unabashed geek, and according to the book on biblioholism a friend felt compelled to get her, not a biblioholic.
I’m very excited to share another guest post from my friend Boudica! Y’all might remember a previous ritual she shared to America’s forgotten goddess, Columbia. This time she shares a ritual to reaffirm and reclaim your value that is inspired by the MCU’s Agent Carter. I hope you enjoy this pop culture ritual!
Last November I lost my job of 12 years. Ultimately that was a good thing, as several years previously I had started describing my job using the same terms I would use to describe an abusive relationship. But even after I recognized this, I continued to stay in the job because of the security of a paycheck and health insurance; and because my confidence in myself and my abilities had been eroded and I didn’t think I was good enough to get a job elsewhere. (Yep, abusive relationship). What changed was the introduction of a new supervisor who initiated an eight week review of my work. After the third meeting it was clear that I was being set up to fail, but I kept trying anyway. The result was meeting after meeting after meeting of being told that I was inadequate. This really did a number on my already shaky self-esteem. And then, because this wasn’t enough, halfway through this ‘review’ I had a medical emergency leading to a partial hysterectomy. Which did not go as smoothly as it could have, and my recovery took far longer than it was supposed to. Literally the day I returned from medical leave was the day I was given the option to resign or be fired.
So yeah, any sense of self-worth? Self-esteem? Self-confidence? Poof! All gone.
Naturally I repressed. Right up until I was unable to continue doing so, and that was a messy day. As I did the only rational thing and binged various shows while eating ice cream and cookies to make myself feel better, a line from Agent Carter stood out in my mind. “I know my value.” And from that, a pop-culture inspired ritual to boost/repair/establish self-worth was born.
Materials:
Peggy Carter seven day devotional candle
Gold marker (black, white, or silver also works if gold is not available)
Avengers theme/Agent Carter intro music (optional)
For those who are not familiar, Agent Carter is the TV show based around the character of Peggy Carter - specifically, the events in her life after the loss of Captain America and prior to her becoming the director and founder of SHIELD. The first season has Peggy struggling to establish herself in the SSR - despite everything she’s accomplished up until this point, she finds herself being dismissed, demeaned, devalued, and overlooked. Because patriarchy. And Peggy has the perfect answer to that:
“I don’t need Agent Thompson’s approval, or the President’s. I know my value. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t really matter.”
That was the kind of energy I needed in my life.
On to Etsy I went to find a Peggy Carter devotional candle (mine came from a shop called FoolishPenguin). If you are unable to find one, or don’t see one that you like, you can make one yourself easily enough. Pick up a white seven day devotional candle, and find a picture of Peggy that you like. Print out the picture (it can be from the show or movies), cut it to fit around the candle, and tape it into place.
Take the candle and start playing the music (the music is technically optional, but for me it helps). Write out the phrase, “I Know My Value,” as many times as you can fit it onto the picture while still leaving the face of Peggy Carter clear. You can include either or both parts of the rest of the quote if you want, but the most important part is, “I know my value.”
I KNOW MY VALUE
Say the words as you write them. And mean it when you say it.
I KNOW MY VALUE
Not sure what your value is? Even if you don’t feel it now, at some point during your life you absolutely held value. You had confidence in yourself once. Start with something small. Make it external if you have trouble with the internal. Do you take care of a pet? You are of immense value to that pet.
I KNOW MY VALUE
What are things you’re good at? Think back to your childhood if you need to. Colouring? Gaming? Being there for your friend who called right as you were about to take a much needed nap because they needed a shoulder and sympathetic ear and they knew that you were the right person to reach out to?
I KNOW MY VALUE
Did you make a donation in support of a good cause? Did you hold the door open for someone? Did you mask up because other people’s lives and safety matter enough to you that you’re willing to accept science and wear a mask to help protect the health of others? Did you accomplish the thing? Shout the words:
I KNOW MY VALUE
I held that job for 12 years. If I was as bad at it as my former supervisor claimed, I would not have been there for 12 years with consistently good reviews.
I KNOW MY GODDAMN VALUE, AND SOME PISSANT MICROMANAGING SOULLESS ASSHAT AND GASLIGHTING COLLECTION OF MEAN GIRLS AND WORTHLESS HR REPS DON’T GET TO CHANGE THAT
Ahem. I may still have some anger issues to work out regarding the situation. But hey, I’m angry. I’m angry now because I finally remembered my value.
Once you’ve gotten a glimmer going, stop writing. Set the candle down and light it. Then continue to recite the words over and over like a mantra. Sing them along to the music, scream them into the void - take your pick. Remember the value that you hold, or that you remember holding in the past, and bring it into your present. Channel the energy of Agent Carter punching a disrespectful soldier in the face because he dared mock her. Channel the energy of Agent Carter when she revealed to her ‘superiors’ how she’d been running circles around them in the investigation because they weren’t clever enough to notice her. Channel the energy of Agent Carter when she tells Agent Thompson that HE can be the one to fetch the coffee and sandwiches.
I KNOW MY VALUE
Repeat this over the course of seven consecutive days. You can trace over the words with a marker each time, or you can skip that part and dive straight into the chanting/singing/screaming/whatever. Just don’t whisper the words. You have value, it’s not a secret. The opinions of others don’t get to define you, or undermine your sense of worth.
For the final day, make it an event. Dress up (or at least remember to brush your hair), eat a treat, do something nice for yourself. If you’re into cosplay and have the clothes on hand, dress as Peggy.
I KNOW MY VALUE. ANYONE ELSE’S OPINION DOESN’T REALLY MATTER.
